UNFILTERED THOUGHTS: ‘Logan’ serves up leftover superhero bits and chooses to shove them down your throat with the repetition of a beating drum if you should be foolish enough to resist

What lies ahead is an unedited jumble of words, thrown onto a blank sheet of paper late at night after seeing a movie. Enjoy at your own risk.

I have a relatively low resting heart rate; I don’t know exactly what it is, but if I had to take a guess I’d say somewhere around 55 BPM. But after sitting through Logan, the new Wolverine (X-Men) film, it feels as if my heart’s been beating at a minimum of 90 BPM for the past 2h 15m. No, Logan, this is not me complimenting you, this is me telling you (well, I guess this is me telling the man in charge of Logan, dir. James Mangold [known for Walk The Line and 3:10 To Yuma and “known for” Knight & Day and The Wolverine]) that you don’t have an ounce of delicacy, an ounce of anything that makes my heart do anything but go thumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthump or THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP or sometimes, but much less frequently, THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP!!! Instead, Logan, you barrel your way through your runtime at a rapid (albeit not really efficient) pace, just as my heart attempts to barrel its way out of my body just so that it can take a goddamn break.

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You will eat what I give you, good sir.

Ugh. I don’t even know if I want to write about this movie. What is there really to say?

(hit CONTINUE READING to find out what more I end up vomiting out about this movie) Continue reading “UNFILTERED THOUGHTS: ‘Logan’ serves up leftover superhero bits and chooses to shove them down your throat with the repetition of a beating drum if you should be foolish enough to resist”